Welp, this is definitely not the blog update I had been hoping to write. Unfortunately it has become very clear that I will not be able to finish my environment to a standard I would be remotely happy with by the deadline next weekend. I am however, committed to finishing it off in the coming weeks as I’m really happy with the concept and most of the work I have been able to do so far. No longer having that deadline pressure crushing down on me is also some relief - instead of a demoralising march towards a mediocre outcome, there's hope again of a piece I can be really proud of. And let's not forget, 2020 is The Year Of Finishing Things (that blog post has not aged well 😬)
These are weird times for all of us. At the start of the challenge, coronavirus (or COVID-19 as I’ve now come to know it) was such a minor concern to a lot of us - probably more of a punchline than a real tangible threat for most. Skip ahead a few weeks to today, where every state border of Australia is locked down, gatherings of more than 2 people banned under law, and people are losing their jobs, incomes, businesses, or even worse.
A little over three weeks ago, some members of my office, myself included, made the choice to start working from home immediately. We could see that the larger organisation we are a part of would eventually cease on-site operations, and wanted to get ahead of the mass rush when it did happen. I think it was around the same time I started to struggle to do any meaningful work on the challenge.
Modelling props for the scene was becoming harder. My concepts and reference were clearer than ever but I was struggling to actually perform the process. I would make silly or dumb mistakes, get stuck on simple issues for too long, and generally be displeased with everything I was producing. Although I made sure to take breaks from my computer between dayjob and the challenge work, I was starting to resent creating the art instead of finding escape in it. Sitting down and doing personal work - something I’ve always enjoyed - was becoming really difficult for me.
I’d describe the symptoms as that of burnout (the GDD episode with Josh Lynch discussing burnout is fantastic btw), but I was convinced I hadn’t been working hard enough to create such a situation. I work as a technical artist for my 9-5, so although I’m environment art adjacent, I’m not really doing the same sort of tasks as I would on personal pieces, and thus not really at risk of work-burnout (or so I thought) and yet, I’m not sure how else to accurately describe it.
I’m unsure what exactly changed for me so quickly, and I’m unconvinced that perhaps the whole global pandemic thing has had such little effect on me as I perceive it to have had, but for whatever reason I found myself really struggling to make art, instead preferring to just hang out with my fiance watching Netflix, or playing games with friends instead - both of which of course made me feel guilty about falling behind in the challenge exacerbating my feelings towards creating art. Conversely, perhaps finding more time to relax isn’t such a bad thing at the moment, it’s been a really long time since I’ve been able to properly switch off, often to the frustration of my fiance.
Apologies that this has turned into less of a project update, and more of an introspective blog piece. I think I’m slowly coming to terms with how much I can or cannot push myself at different times, which if nothing else, is still a great lesson from the challenge experience. I will have a project update around the corner soon, but I’m taking a bit of time to pace it out a bit more. I’m still incredibly excited to see what everyone makes for the challenge, and will be cheering all of you on from the safety of my government mandated quarantine. 😷